Ginny's Hallelujah
by Altaria Volante
Summary: A songfic to Rufus Wainwright's 'Hallelujah'... Ginny's reflection on her first year at Hogwarts, and on Harry...


Ginny's Hallelujah 

By: Altaria 

A/N: This is inspired from Rufus Wainwright's song _Hallelujah_. Just a little reflection from Ginny Weasley about her first year before they head off for Hogwarts again. 

* * *

_ Now I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
It goes like this: the fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall, the major lift  
The baffled king composing Hallelujah  
_

He always looks so sad. It breaks my heart every time I look at him. No wonder he doesn't put his heart out in the open… he always ends up hurt. His parents - gone. The Muggle family he's forced to live with - horrible. One day… one day the term 'Dursley' is going to be synonymous with a horrible person. Just wait. It will be common - 'Oh, don't mind him… he's such a _Dursley_'. Malfoy is a _Dursley_. Yes. That's it. There's the description. Draco Malfoy is a _Dursley_. 

That stupid, bloody git is a _Dursley_. I don't know how… how he can take so much pleasure in ruining people. His family tried to ruin me. I was afraid to write down anything other than recipes for Mum for almost two months. The words would come back to haunt me. But I got over that. I'm not afraid of words anymore. The Malfoys can't hurt me… they tried and they failed. Harry… he saved me. 

It was so cold down in the Chamber. 

Hermione says it was because I was near unconsciousness. I think there was more to it than that. It was… lonely. That's the best word I can find. Loneliness was all that there was in that room. And a giant Basilisk. Tom wasn't a real person so he had to have me. He needed a submissive spirit. And I was stupid enough to play into his hands. 

_ Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you  
She tied you to a kitchen chair  
She broke your throne and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah   
_

But it doesn't matter what I did. Harry came to save me. I hate it that he saw me as a weak little girl, just lying there. But I can't help but be thankful he came. I was so afraid that no one would find me. I could just lie there until Tom finished, and then... 

I remember looking up at him before Fawkes came. He was bleeding... he was dying. Tom was gone, and I was fine, and he was going to die. He was going to die because he came to save me. I'd like to think that it was because he cared, but it was probably Ron. Ron sent him. Always the overprotective brother... not that I minded at that particular moment. Years of him making me chase the garden gnomes was made up for in that moment. 

Thank you Ron, for sending Harry for me. 

Thank you for Ron. I can't forget my older brother. Even though I'm always refered to as 'Ron's little sister' or 'that other Weasley'... I've even heard 'Harry's friend's little sister'. That one always made me sad. Ron tries so hard to get out of Harry's shadow. But it's a big shadow to escape from. Harry is The Boy Who Lived. Harry defeated the Dark Lord when he was very young. Harry is the star Gryffindor Seeker. Harry is who Ron wants to be, but he can't be. There can only be one Harry Potter. I wish Ron could be happy with just... Ron. 

_ Maybe I've been here before  
I know this room, I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew you  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah  
_

That's what we Weasley's seem to be... just us. Bill's a curse breaker, but there's nothing special in that. There's a whole department of wizards who do the same thing he does at Gringott's. Charlie works with dragons in Romania. He could've been something special. He was the star Seeker for Gryffindor when he was at Hogwarts. We won the Cup that year. But no, he didn't want to play Quidditch. He just wanted to play with dragons. Ugly, scaly, dragons. 

I guess I have a bias against scaly things now. It's not Charlie's fault. But I can't smile at his 'cute little dragon' stories like I could... before... 

Percy... well... Percy's just perfect. Percy's a prefect. Percy's will probably be Head Boy this year and then get just a wonderful job at the Ministry because he's just perfect. Percy is just perfect. But Percy never looks like he's having any fun. Everything is so serious to him. He was always like that... never one to play games with us when we were all little. He would rather sit out under the trees and read Wizarding Policy Manuals and other boring things that they don't even make you read in school. He's always in such a hurry... sometimes I think he forgets to smile. It would take up too much time. 

Fred and George... they're just trouble. Not special, trouble. If something goes wrong it's their fault, or at least that's how Mum calls it. She says she wonders if they'll ever amount to anything other than 'joke fodder' and says she's afraid they're 'as dumb as the bloodly plugs your father plays with'. Dad's never let me play with his plugs, from the tone of the conversations, I guess they're pretty dumb. 

Ron has his heart in the right place... he just made friends with someone he could never live up to. And that's sad, really. He's not incompetant... or perfect by any way. But he's Ron. He was always my favorite brother... I guess because we're so close in age. He'd pick on me... a lot. But I'd pick on him back. And I'd never get into trouble. I'm the good girl. 

Just a good girl. That's me, Virginia Weasley... just a good girl. Nothing spectacular, nothing noteworthy, nothing special. I'll be remembered as the girl who almost released _You-Know-Who_ again. That doesn't even make me good! Now I'm just stupid. How was I supposed to know? It's all Lucius Malfoy's fault! The horrible things Dad says about him are all true. 

I can't blame him. I should've known better. What was it Mum and Dad always said? 'Don't trust anything that you can't find the brain to' or something like that. An enchanted diary... I should've known we were too poor to get something like that. Poor Ginny Weasley. Poor Ginny Weasley... 

_ There was a time you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show it to me, do you?  
I remember when I moved in you  
Your holy dark was moving too  
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah  
_

I wish you could see the strong person inside. Instead you see a squeaking mouse, a pitiful little girl who isn't smart enough to figure out an evil diary. I'm strong, I promise. I'm more than you must think I am. Look at who I grew up with... I have to be able to hold my own. You must think I'm just a stupid little girl. I wish I knew how I could show you that wasn't true... show you what's inside of me. What I'm made of. 

_ Maybe there's a God above  
And all I ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
It's not a cry you can hear at night  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah   
_

We're similar, you know. We're both trying to escape what people think of us. People think I'm just silly little Ginny Weasley. I'd love to show them that I'm more than that. And you... dear Harry... people expect you to be everything. You're The Boy Who Lived. What kind of burden must that be? To know that people expect fantastic feats because of something you did when you were a baby. You don't even know how you did it, but you have to repeat it so often. 

I wish I could help you, but you don't let many people close to you. Maybe... maybe you'll let me be close to you. I'll give up on my burden and help you with yours. It's the least I can do. You're not just The Boy Who Lived... no, you're Harry. You helped me when I needed you most. You're brave, and honest... you're what I want to be. I want you to know you're a good person... not just the magical wondermaker people expect you to be. 

I could help you. Yes. Maybe then you won't look at me as 'Ron's silly little sister' but as Ginny Weasley. I'll even be 'silly Ginny Weasley'... if that would make you smile. You don't know how much I wish I could help you. Even if it was just to thank you. I know you don't think I'm much. And it doesn't help that all I can bring myself to do right now is watch you in Ron's room. Or listen at night through the walls. We'll go off to Hogwarts in a week and I won't be able to do this anymore. But I still wish I could help you... be close to you. 

I'd be yours... if you'd let me. 

_ Hallelujah... _


End file.
